Wow. Very interesting story with an unexpected and creepy ending.

The opening paragraphs definitely drew me in. Your style of writing is very descriptive, as I think we've all had restless nights lying and sweating in bed listening for anything out of place. You've captured every moment perfectly, even the frightened struggle to decide whether to possibly go look or pretend nothing's wrong. I liked the brief respite with the description of the falling rain.

I have to say honestly that I didn't like the ending. For me, it reminded me of the horror movies that I sometimes find myself watching. The suspense builds and builds and then once the reality appears I always feel somewhat disappointed. Having said that, it was a very well written twist at the end by having Mack realize she had just killed her own family, especially after I thought the story had turned into a murder story. Reading back, I realize there was some foreshadowing with Mack, possibly she wasn't as happy with her family as one would assume - the comment that her mother squealing was an annoying sound, perhaps her father was "drunk again", and that Joey was at an age that tends to be a bother girls Mack's age, all suggest that maybe something was wrong with her emotions.

I don't think the ending was drawn out at all. However, I am left feeling a little undecided as to whether she was actually awake or not. Or died in her nightmare, or committed suicide after realizing what she had done. Perhaps this was intentional, and just left for the reader's interpretation.

Overall, its very well composed and I didn't notice any major grammar or spelling issues. The story is not a comfortable one, but I guess people don't read horror stories expecting happy endings. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Big Grin)"/>